Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Can I confess something?  It is REALLY hard for me to let go of control.  This whole adoption process has been one moment after another of me fighting for control then having to relinquish it.  I want to control my husband and make him get everything done on my time table.  I want to control my social worker and have her finish our homestudy really quickly.  I want to control all the external elements that get in the way of getting things done.  I want to know exactly how everything is going to play out before it happens!  Throughout this entire process, I've vaccilated between working really hard to try to make things happen and getting frustrated that everything's not going as smoothly as I want it to to throwing up my hands and backing away thinking that what I do is no use.  What a journey this has been AND we're only half-way there! 

I trust that God is working to lead us to the exact child/ren that He has for us.  He forknew from the beginning of time that they would be ours.  I read the testimonies of other families that have adopted and am reminded over and over of God's sovereignty and goodness.  I believe that when the day comes that we have our child/ren in our arms, there's much that will come into focus.  Until that day, I'll continue to struggle to give up the control that I don't have in the first place to the One who does.  I'll fight to hand over these children of my heart who I love so much already but have never embraced to the loving Abba Father who loves them more than I ever could.

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