Saturday, February 12, 2011

This Is Where It Gets Scary...

We're about to send the last documents to our adoption agency that we need for our Dossier
along with some
(insert deep breath)
big checks. 
These checks represent almost everything we have left in savings
(insert short, spastic breaths).
I'm not talking about the "adoption savings account" that we began a few years ago either. 
I'm talking about the "adoption savings account" AND the nest egg we'd acquired and had been waiting to use for building a garage or redoing the basement or going on a fun vacation or something like that.  You know the chunk of money that makes a girl like myself feel warm and secure just because it's nice knowing we have it.


For the past couple of days we've been freaking out.  I'm not going to lie, today especially was rough.  We fought on and off all day long, and when the kids were in bed and we were able to connect, we sat down and realized what the fighting was all about.  Fear, unbelief and spiritual forces of evil at work to destroy our family.   We no longer have our security blanket (aka nest egg) to fall back on, and we wasted a day or two worrying that God is not going to come through for us as we take these steps of faith.  We were believing lies that our enemy was breathing into our ears--"you're not qualified to do're going to lose everything and gain nothing...this process is never going to end...what you're doing is not going to make a difference..."

In the midst of all this funk, we even considered waiting to send the checks until we were better prepared to take this step of faith.  But, when we asked ourselves "why?", we knew we didn't have a good enough answer.  Jamey asked me today if I would hesitate to spend the money we're spending to ransom one of our daughters if they were taken from us.  The answer was obvious.  So why would we wait to get our son when we believe he exists and that he needs us to continue to fight for him? 

We knelt down before our great Jehovah Jireh, the Lord who provides, and we prayed.  Then, an amazing thing happened--We began to hope again.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  --Romans 8:28

Please pray for us if you think of it.  There's still a lot that needs to be done before Lincoln comes home.

Did I mention that our Adoption/Foster Care/Orphan Care small group begins tomorrow?  Maybe it's just a coincidence that one of the roughest weeks that we've had in awhile was the same week that we were gearing up to lead this group and finish the last steps to complete our Dossier?

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