God is good.
When I don't know what to make of all that's going on around me, this I know to be true.
What a month it's been. I haven't written in awhile because I'm still making sense of it. I'm trying to make sense of why Ethiopia decided to cut back on the number of adoptions they're processing right after we submitted our Dossier. I'm working to understand why the government made the decision to cut the salaries of teachers right after we felt called to empty our savings accounts to submit our Dossier. I'm wondering why the girlies have been sick for most of it, my hubs has been sick for a chunk of it, and I've had my moments of sickenss and feeling worn down while taking care of them. I had to process for awhile why after touring and loving the school I wanted to send my daughter to we found out that she's DEAD LAST on the waiting list to get in. Then I had to roll with the flow when Spring decided it was going to tease us then turn to winter again for another couple of weeks.
Sometimes it feels as if life is hitting you from all angles.
Through it all though, God has been SO good. I've had unexpected moments of joy. There have been unexpected means of provision, affirmation and encouragement. And God is using the adversity to change our hearts to be more like His. What a gift.
I'm so glad I serve a God who loves me enough to not always give me exactly what I want when I want it, and whose plans are so much greater than mine.
I was laying in bed recently processing everything that's been on my heart, and a verse popped into my mind that I hadn't thought about or read in awhile. Perhaps a deposit from the Holy Spirit?:
I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. --Phillipians 3:8
"Everything a loss"? Wow. Even my husband? My children? My family and friends? My comfort? My plans for my life?
I'm scared of what I'll have to go through in order to utter these words and mean them wholeheartedly. For now I pray that he uses these "trials of many kinds" to help get me there.